Derpy Dragon Dating Sim/Logs

Derpy Dragon Dating Sim is an April Fool's Day role-play hosted by Bokkun. The following page is the game's complete text.

All times are in HAST.

Introduction

[1:18 PM] Bokkun: This is a meme RP, I literally spent a total of one hour thinking up everything.

Here's the goal: You are all dragons who have reached 10 years of age. That means you are all required to take mates, lest you be lonely forever.

Feel free to move between channels as much as you want. It's a stupid game, I don't care. But enjoy your dates, and try your best to find love.
Or else.

Oh, and the game ends when I say it does. Feel free to be as active or inactive as you feel like being, I do not care. Ping me if you want some expository text on anything, whether they be NPCs, location details, investigation results on the creepy luckster's corpse, etc.

The Restaurant

[1:21 PM] Sneck: goes to restaurant and finds the beautiful dragon lass in the server picture, jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair "Ahem, you look very lovely."

[1:23 PM] Bokkun: //Ooh, do you want me to generate a random unclaimed female dragon as your NPC date?

[1:25 PM] Sneck: nah
@Deeva is my dragon girlfriend now

[1:28 PM] Bokkun: In that case, Deeva just got up after that pathetic compliment and went to the beach.

[1:28 PM] Sneck: 8ill get you one day deeva
train horn

[1:29 PM] Bokkun: Sneck/Deeva isn't the most popular ship, but they have a committed fanbase.

[1:33 PM] Sneck: "hmm time to eat good food meal" says sneck, the man, the legend, as he orders best food for one hundred and five dragon dollars
alone
@Bokkun what is the best food eating item

[1:34 PM] Bokkun: Human flesh served with a side of mashed potatoes.

[1:35 PM] Sneck: "Human flesh served with a side of mashed potatoes. time" sneck says as he partakes in a dish of Human flesh served with a side of mashed potatoes.

[1:36 PM] Bokkun: It's quite the delicacy. Not like the organs, which is more like the fried chicken of this universe. The waiter walks by, and gives you a judging look as you eat alone.

[2:08 PM] Sneck: sneck finishes his epic meal and then stands up hoping to catch the favor of every female in his vicinity by performing an amazing concert
roll for coolness @Bokkun

[2:08 PM] Bokkun: !roll d20
10

[2:08 PM] Sneck: you hate to see it

[2:09 PM] Bokkun: It's about as cool as it is disturbing to the restaurant's more quiet environment. The patrons aren't sure how to feel, most of them lean towards upset, but the serving staff seem impressed at least. Play your cards right, and you might not be arrested for disturbing the peace.

[2:10 PM] Sneck: But on the other hand, what better way to go?
Maybe I could score a slick prison turtleneck

[2:12 PM] Bokkun: Dragon prison is a place you don't want to wind up. It's like a volcano, but if you weren't lavaproof.

[2:17 PM] Sneck: The show will continue on my own property then.
I will swoon all of my next door neighbors

[2:19 PM] Bokkun: You take it to your hometown, and break it down. The boldness wins some attention, but the performance's quality leaves something to be desired. You at least have their attention though.

[2:20 PM] Sneck: The show continues for the next hour while I take my leave to play overwatch as the cool guy. not mccree they banned him

[2:21 PM] Bokkun: // They banned McCree!?
Your performance isn't going to top the charts, but you do have a few fans among your lot. Some people come out of their homes just to hear you, while others lean out their windows. Your tunes are hip, and your beats are jamming. Soon, a block party starts. Someone calls the police though, so you'll have to weave through that situation once you get back.

* Sneck was never seen again.

The Theater

[1:19 PM] Smoky: He is here. Why? How? Don't ask, you will never truly know the answer to the tomfuckery that is Smoky and how/when he appears. Despite him somehow just being here, he's already covered with stuff he spilled on himself.

He looks for the sacred worst movie of all time to see if it is hidden in here....the dreaded

bee movie

[1:22 PM] Bokkun: It's playing in theater number 4, IMAX 6D and everything.

[1:23 PM] Smoky: He slides over there with intent.
...sliding is a very generous phrase.
It's more like tripping and rolling with style.

[1:24 PM] Bokkun: !roll 1d20
I rolled a 7

[1:24 PM] Smoky: nice

[1:24 PM] Bokkun: You make it with only a mild concussion.

[1:24 PM] Smoky: He has had worse.
he looks to see what fellow degenerates would dare watch this forbidden movie. Did they not know how it ruined the old world? Damn fools. Damnable fools. You are the Icarus of this new age.

[1:26 PM] Bokkun: They seem entertained. The 6D really changes it from a low budget poorly considered film to an introspective work of art.

[1:27 PM] Smoky: He rolls and trips over to one of the watchers to do the old Smoky special. Which is to look cute while doing stupid shit. Like tripping and rolling over to them.
It's very basic but it works.

[1:29 PM] Bokkun: You knock the popcorn out of someone's claws. Let's see if you're cute enough to get away with it.
!roll d20
Fuckin' 7 again.

[1:29 PM] Smoky: if I get another seven, it's a jackpot.

[1:30 PM] Bokkun: You're cute, but this is Movie Theater popcorn we're talking about. The dude's upset, and looks like he might attack.

[1:30 PM] Smoky: Simple. Just make the most adorable face I can possibly make at him. Like we aren't talking about simple cute, oh no.
We are talking omega cute.
The kind of cute that can and will destroy those who try to attack you. What folly.

[1:31 PM] Bokkun: !roll d40
22
He can't stay mad at cuteness of that scale. It's overpowering. In fact, your cuteness is cancelling out the 6D, and the man begins realizing that this movie is kind of shit.
"You like Jazz?"
He screams, and flees the theater.

[1:32 PM] Smoky: What a damnable fool. If he can not accept reality for how it is, he will never understand the true power behind Smoky. Smoky is eternal and has always been here.
"Awwww."
He chomps on the popcorn he smacked outta that guy's hands.
He ponders this movie while eating the floor popcorn.

[1:37 PM] Bokkun: 6D is really something. 3D just makes it look like the characters are coming out of the screen, 4D makes you feel it, 5D blurs the lines between fiction and reality, and 6D makes you feel what the characters are feeling.

[1:37 PM] Smoky: He tries questioning if there is something higher than 6D. 7D? 8D? The dreaded 9D?
You can never truly know where the limit of reality is.
Is he 6D? What truly is 6D?...he just blips his tongue out for cuteness.
After pondering for an excessive long enough of time, he charges into the beach resort.

The Beach Resort, part 1

[1:20 PM] Tinador: Tina checks the volcano for virgin sacrifices.

[1:22 PM] Bokkun: None today. A few dragons are swimming merrily in the lava, as it's basically a pool for dragons.

[1:23 PM] Tinador: Understood. Time to track down Luckster's corpse, then. Where did Tina last see him?

[1:23 PM] Bokkun: Heading to the bedroom, likely to get the poison. That's so Luckster.

[1:24 PM] Tinador: What a fucking nerd. Awful. Bedroom it is.

[1:24 PM] Tinador: [Moving to the bedroom,] Tina flexes into existence, checking for a twink's corpse.

[1:26 PM] Bokkun: Ooh, you just missed Luckster, but you can see the bloodtrail he left behind. You can tell he visited the refridgerator, and he probably went towards the beach if the trails anything to go by.

[1:29 PM] Tinador: Detective Tinador is on the fucking case and following tbe fucking trail. You shan't escape today, Creepy Luckster.

[1:26 PM] Deeva: Deeva looks over her sunglasses. "Eugh." They resettle back on her face, and she continues looking at the magazine she was previously attempting to read. Unbeknownst to her, it is upside down.

[1:31 PM] Tinador: Tina arrives, immediately bench-pressing every local measure of central tendency that includes musculature. She's glued to a blood trail in search for a corpse, for some reason.

[1:33 PM] Deeva: Deeva raises her eyebrows at the new dragon arriving on the scene. She takes her sunglasses off of her face, folds them up, and sets them on the table next to her. Apparently, she was wearing another pair of sunglasses underneath. How much eyewear is she hiding? "Heyyyy~ Whatcha lookin for on my beach?" It seems she is unaware she is trespassing on a private beach resort.

[1:34 PM] Tinador: "Corpse. You know, as you do." Tina is blunt and emotionless in response, as usual.

[1:35 PM] Bokkun: Oh! There's Creepy Luckster. You find him buried in the sand, in just the right place that he'd have been washed away when high tide came in. Perfect timing.

[1:36 PM] Fizzle: Fizzle is currently standing on Lucksters corpse with his arms crossed, brooding while looking out into the sea
It looks like one of those scenes you see 364848 redraws of on Twitter 3 days after the episode airs

[1:37 PM] Deeva: Deeva points to Fizzle and the corpse. "Like that one over there?"

[1:38 PM] Fizzle: Fizzle is brooding and cannot physically hear you

[1:39 PM] Tinador: "Indeed," she nods and turns to Fizzle. "Sir Fizzle, wherefore art thou standing o'er a poor-John's body?"

[1:40 PM] Fizzle: Fizzle is momentarily snapped out of it and looks at Tinador
"What're you talking about? I'm just standing on the beach, brooding."

[1:41 PM] Deeva: "She's looking for a dead body. Do you have one you could lend her?"

[1:41 PM] Tinador: "Yes. O'er lord Creepy Luckster's body, might I add."

[1:42 PM] Fizzle: Fizzle looks down at the ground and sees the corpse. "Oh yeah."
"That is also probably why my shoes are bloody and covered in small pieces of flesh, yes."
He has not moved an inch, arms squarely crossed

[1:43 PM] Deeva: Deeva looks at Fizzle. Can she notice anything odd about his appearance?

[1:43 PM] Smoky: ...A lovable dumbass has entered the fray.

[1:44 PM] Tinador: "Fizzle, my good sir, are your shoes not commonly covered in miscellaneous corpse shreds?"

[1:44 PM] Bokkun: Fizzle seems about the same as usual, though it's hard to tell since you would never willingly look at him for any period of time.

[1:45 PM] Smoky: Smokey looks over at the others and just...stares at them with the goofy, cute dumbass look he always has on his face.

[1:45 PM] Deeva: It's a good thing she's wearing however many pairs of sunglasses, then.

[1:46 PM] Smoky: He looks for anything out of the ordinary. Considering this is Smoky, though, he probably won't notice much.

[1:46 PM] Tinador: Tina nods to Smoky's arrival, still emotionally distant, nearly emotionally vacant.

[1:47 PM] Bokkun: The most unordinary thing you can notice is that there's a beach AND a volcano, which is strange since that's basically two different swimming areas, so isn't it redundant to have both?

[1:47 PM] Smoky: "Ya know, why DO we have two swimming areas?" He ponders to himself out loud.

[1:48 PM] Deeva: "You ever seen those bougie pools where they have a swimming pool and a hot tub, except it's called a spa or something? That's why, baka."
She says, in a tsunderelike-fashion. (Thanks for making me look up a new word bokkun)

[1:48 PM] Fizzle: "What are you talking about? We only have one."
"You're insane."

[1:48 PM] Smoky: "Hmmm. I dunno, Fizzle, aren't you insane?" He gleams with dumbass energy.
Raw, unfiltered dumbass energy.

[1:49 PM] Tinador: "One is where we throw virgins," she states flatly. "The other is the volcano."

[1:49 PM] Fizzle: "I have no clue what you're talking about."
"I think you're insane Smoky."

1:50 PM] Smoky: "Ooooohhhh, hot tubs. Riiight!" He processes complex abstractions. Which to Smokey...is probably anything rated for kids above 9 years old.
"...What truly is insanity? Is there even such a thing as sanity? What defines sanity, Fizzle? Do you know that yourself or do you say words to try demeaning or dismissing others? I don't think you really understand the words that are coming out of your mouth."
...He blinks for a moment and blips his tongue out. "Whoops! Silly old me."

[1:51 PM] Tinador: Tina pats Smoky on the back. The lad is trying, by God, and so he shall succeed.

[1:51 PM] Fizzle: "Shut."

[1:51 PM] Bokkun: !roll d20
4
Smoky accidentally rams into Tina's pat, and it becomes a slap.

[1:52 PM] Smoky: Smoky tumbles and plops on the ground in an attempt to be cute despite being slapped because of him being a klutz.

[1:52 PM] Tinador: "Shut? Shut what, my good friend?" She says this with a flat hiss and a touch of sarcasm.
"Oh dear. My apologies, sir Smoky."

[1:53 PM] Smoky: Smoky just stares at Tinador with a sickly sweet look on his face.

[1:53 PM] Fizzle: Fizzle fucking hisses

[1:53 PM] Deeva: Deeva puts down another pair of glasses and stares next to Fizzle. "What exactly were you looking at?"

[1:53 PM] Fizzle: His foot is still on Lucksters head

[1:54 PM] Tinador: "Please unfoot the victim, sir Fizzle."

[1:54 PM] Fizzle: "The ocean. It's pretty. Reminds me of my 187 page backstory."
Fizzle slowly lifts his foot up.

[1:54 PM] Smoky: "187? Amateur, I have..." ...He makes a noise in the back of his throat that sounds like tv static, spitting, and the sound Tinador makes in the dead of night when no one is looking mixed into one.
"...pages!"

[1:55 PM] Deeva: "You got a backstory?" Deeva scoffs.

[1:55 PM] Tinador: "A highly astute impression of yours truly, sir Smoky."

[1:56 PM] Smoky: "Thanks. I heard it first hand."

[1:56 PM] Fizzle: "...yes."
"Most if it is things the executives added due to fan demand."

[1:56 PM] Smoky: He rolls over to what Fizzle had his foot on to see what the fuss is about.

[1:57 PM] Deeva: "Look at your shoes, so dirty! You're such a slob!"

[1:58 PM] Smoky: The dumbass is investigating and by god is he trying.

[1:58 PM] Fizzle: "That can happen when unknowingly stepping onto a corpse."

[1:58 PM] Bokkun: !roll d20
1

[1:58 PM] Smoky: HAHA

[1:59 PM] Bokkun: Smoky walks up to the body, but goes too far. He walks into the ocean, and keeps walking until he hits solid land.
!roll d100
96
Thankfully, he got turned around by the waves, and just wounded up nearby at the elusive volano.

[2:00 PM] Smoky: wait, volano or volcano?

[2:01 PM] Bokkun: //Volcano. The Volano of Slightly Off islands would have been a result in the low 60s high 50s.

The Volcano

[2:00 PM] Smoky: Smokey has arrived. Hide your arousal, hot lady dragons.
He looks to see what cute™️ dragon™️ ladies (trademark pending for that one) have spotted his presence. If any are even here.

[2:03 PM] Bokkun: Only one

[2:04 PM] Smoky: amazing. He attempts to seduce by just...
unleashing his raw cuteness at their direction.

[2:04 PM] Bokkun: !roll d20 3 You fall over, hiding your cute face.

[2:05 PM] Smoky: He rolls over into the lava to try awakening any sort of power besides "cute and lovable" inside himself. He's like those weird horses from that weird horse show who don't have any talents. Except cool™️

[2:05 PM] Bokkun: 1

[2:05 PM] Smoky: I just have shit luck, huh

[2:06 PM] Bokkun: These have been shitty rolls all day. I blame google
You lose a little bit of cuteness while on the ground.

[2:06 PM] Smoky: That's it, drink the lava, absorb it's power.
Who can stop me?

[2:06 PM] Bokkun: The lifeguard?

[2:06 PM] Smoky: HE IS BUT A MORTAL.

[2:06 PM] Bokkun: Nah, he doesn't get paid enough.

[2:06 PM] Smoky: DRINK LAVA FOR POWER BEYOND CUTENESS

[2:07 PM] Bokkun: You start drinking the lava. It burns your throat as you do, but it's a confident act that gets some of the ladies' attention. Play your cards right, and you might just walk out of here with one of them.

[2:08 PM] Smoky: He looks at one of the ladies and winks with the trademark Smoky Cuteness™️ before chugging more lava™️

[2:10 PM] Bokkun: !roll 1d20
18

[2:10 PM] Smoky: inb4 a nat 1
oh holy shit

[2:11 PM] Bokkun: It's adorable! In just a few seconds, you're surrounded by women, all of whom want to pet you like an animal.
It's not quite a relationship yet, but it's very nice.

[2:11 PM] Smoky: Smokey absorbs the love and attention to get stronger.
It's kinda like a feedback loop. The more people love him and his cuteness, the more he has to offer.
"Thank you, thank you!" He says with a cute lisp.

[2:12 PM] Bokkun: !roll 1d20 +5
11 + 5 = 16
One of the girls picks you up, and it seems she intends to take you home with her. You have one more chance to determine what your relationship with her will be. Make it count.

[2:15 PM] Smoky: Smoky looks up at her. "Oh, you're picking the great and lovable Smoky?"
"I'm all yours!" He chuckles a bit.

[2:16 PM] Bokkun: She puts a collar around your neck.
"Aw, what a cute little guy! I'll take you home, and feed you, and put you in cute outfits for my social media feed."
It seemed you really were all hers.
But hey, love is love!

[2:17 PM] Smoky: Hey, who's to say Smokey isn't into that?

[2:17 PM] Bokkun: Smoky Victory!

[2:17 PM] Smoky: He radiates raw cuteness to make the others jealous of the girl.

[2:18 PM] Bokkun: She had her chance.

[2:18 PM] Smoky: Well hey. At least he will get more attention. Attention makes a dragon like him strong.
And one day...he will be powerful enough to ascend. But that's for the movie, not the TV show. Gotta keep the juicy shit to that. He decides he is independent for now and plops out of the dragon girl's arms. "That's nice, sweetheart." He stares at the lava and tries doing some weird dragon nonsense to bend it to his whim.

[2:26 PM] Bokkun: Like, lavabending?

[2:26 PM] Smoky: Basically.
Except with less arm gestures since he has none.

[2:26 PM] Bokkun: !roll 1d20 -2 (because no arm gestures)
19-2 = 17
The lava feels bad for the armless Smoky, and moves along with his will.

[2:28 PM] Smoky: He tries making some arms for himself out of the lava. He will ascend to...being a normal dragon! Well, to be fair, a dragon with lava arms is at least 10% cooler.

[2:31 PM] Bokkun: -Drawing, post your own results for this roll-
12

[2:32 PM] Smoky: ...Well, they might not be the most stable or the most life like, but god damn can they grab and god damn can they burn.
He has ascended. Time to check out the chumps at the beach resort.

The Beach Resort, part 2

[2:00 PM] Tinador: Tina attempts to dig up Kreep's Korpse.

[2:00 PM] Bokkun: !roll d20 +0
10
Tina does so, and nothing else funny or interesting happens surrounding that act.

[2:00 PM] Tinador: Tina is a very serious dragon. No emotions here, no. Tina will investigate the newly-unearthed body and ponder what this means in a very serious manner. No emotions involved whatsoever.

[2:04 PM] Bokkun: !roll d20 -1
5-1 = 4
He's dead.

[2:04 PM] Tinador: "I believe this man is dead."

[2:04 PM] Deeva: Deeva is upset about the amount of attention being directed to the dead human. "Can someone go ahead and eat him already?"

[2:04 PM] Derpy: Enter the protagonist.

[2:05 PM] Tinador: "He might have been poisoned. We cannot rest until we know why this man is here. No waiting until overmorrow."

[2:05 PM] Derpy: "Sniff...sniff sniff..." Derpy is sniffing around for a big hunky boy dragon.

[2:06 PM] Fizzle: "Well what makes you think he was poisoned"
"He would never drink poison"

[2:07 PM] Tinador: "The blood trail that led me here took a detour to the refrigerator," she nods sagely, using a big word that no child who watches this show could spell correctly.

[2:07 PM] Deeva: "If he was poisoned, why is there a blood trail?"

[2:07 PM] Tinador: "He could have vomited blood the whole way. No explanation must go untouched."

[2:07 PM] Derpy: ...
"WOAH! Wowie! That sure is a dead body."
"It looks reeeeeeeally dead!"

[2:08 PM] Tinador: Tina notices Derpy, nods, and goes back to a fucking autopsy on a kid's show.

[2:08 PM] Deeva: "Well, unless one of you wants to volunteer to be swallowed whole, I'm getting hungry, so I might... pounce."

[2:08 PM] Tinador: banned.

[2:08 PM] Derpy: "Kinky!"

[2:09 PM] Deeva: deeva vore deeva vore

[2:09 PM] Tinador: Tina clears her throat and attempts to better investigate the Kreep Korpse.

[2:10 PM] Derpy: "If I kiss the corpse, will it turn into a cute dragon prince?"

[2:10 PM] Deeva: "So lewd, baka." (am i doing it right)

[2:11 PM] Tinador: "Mayhaps if you try hard enough, marquess Derpy."

[2:11 PM] Bokkun: !roll 1d20
5
Kreep Korpse still has a bottle of poison on him, but that's all you could determine.

[2:14 PM] Tinador: "Aha! See, the man was carrying poison." She nods again because her brain is as big as her muscles are.

[2:14 PM] Derpy: ...

[2:14 PM] Tinador: "... T'is unwise, but you may still attempt the kiss of life, if you wish."

[2:14 PM] Derpy: Derpy dives on top of the corpse and starts making out with it.

Like, tongue and all.
@Bokkun does it turn into a prince

[2:15 PM] Bokkun: !roll d20
10
It turns into Mr. Normal-man, but a dragon, and still dead.

[2:15 PM] Derpy: "IT CHANGED!"

[2:15 PM] Tinador: Tina stares in disbelief.

[2:16 PM] Sneck: so what, like a dragon with a suit and tie?

[2:16 PM] Tinador: "What gobbledygook is this?"

[2:16 PM] Derpy: "If I keep smooching it, it'll totally turn into a prince!"
There is saliva coating poor Mr. Normal's face.

[2:17 PM] Deeva: Deeva is left speechless for a moment. "I could've done that myself..."

[2:17 PM] Tinador: She then turns to the presumed camera. "Today's word of the day is 'gobbledygook.' It means 'nonsense.' Say it with me: gaw-bel-dee-gook." She then turns back to Mr. Normal!Korpse.

[2:17 PM] Bokkun: 10 again, still Mr. Normal, no more living than usual.

[2:18 PM] Derpy: She stops. "...Hm."

[2:18 PM] Tinador: This isn't going anywhere, so instead, she will attempt to read the label on the poison (if such a thing exists) and hope there are no big words that have not yet been covered by the Word of the Day.

[2:18 PM] Derpy: "Maybe we need more people!"
She points at Deeva. "You."

[2:19 PM] Smoky: //ha, virgins.

[2:19 PM] Derpy: "Come kiss this corpse with me!"

[2:19 PM] Tinador: Tina motions for Deeva to approach.

[2:20 PM] Deeva: Deeva approaches.

[2:20 PM] Bokkun: The poison label reads: "WARNING! This is POISON! Do not drink!"

[2:21 PM] Tinador: "Astounding. What an amazingly descriptive label."

[2:22 PM] Deeva: "Do I have to? This is so stupid..."

[2:23 PM] Derpy: She whispers in Deeva's ear. "Do it or you're fired.~"

[2:23 PM] Tinador: "The show must go on, miss Deeva." She flicks her snake tongue at this. It's not a blep, it's a disdainful flick. Get it right.

[2:23 PM] Derpy: She goes back to her necrophilic actions.

[2:23 PM] Bokkun: She can do that. She's the main character, she has all the sway with the studio execs.

[2:23 PM] Deeva: "Y-you're so stupid..." Deeva immediately kisses the corpse.

[2:23 PM] Bokkun: !roll 2d20
10 + 4 = 14
You upgrade your corpse from dead Mr. Normal to living Mr. Normal.

[2:24 PM] Tinador: Tina snorts a small flame in surprise.

[2:25 PM] Derpy: "He's alive! I have a prince, now!"

[2:25 PM] Deeva: "N-no! He's mine!"

[2:25 PM] Derpy: "Hooraaaaayyyy!" The applause track plays.

[2:25 PM] Tinador: "Perhaps we need to settle this with a duel."

[2:25 PM] Derpy: "Don't worry, you can have me too!~"

[2:25 PM] Tinador: "Winner takes all?"

[2:25 PM] Deeva: "I-I'm the one who kissed him!"

[2:26 PM] Derpy: She gasps. "A duel?!"

[2:26 PM] Tinador: "Indeed," she nods solemnly. "It only feels right, yes?"

[2:26 PM] Derpy: Derpy pulls out a knife and stabs Deeva.

[2:27 PM] Deeva: bruh

[2:27 PM] Bokkun: !roll 1d4

[2:27 PM] Tinador: "Ready, steady, spaghetti!" Tina steps back and shoots a puff of fire into the air instead of firing a gunshot to signal that the duel has begun.

[2:28 PM] Deeva: Deeva takes off another pair of sunglasses. "You thought that attack could seriously harm me?"

[2:28 PM] Bokkun: 19 and 4
Derpy lands a good stab on Deeva, but the censors are watching and blur it all out. Gratuitous violence cancelled!

[2:28 PM] Derpy: "Yayyyyyy!"

[2:29 PM] Tinador: Tina readies the anime-style eye close-up shots. This one's gonna get spicy.

[2:30 PM] Deeva: "You think you have control over me?"

[2:30 PM] Tinador: "Deeva," she speaks above normal volume, "Do you have any counter to marquess Derpy's move?!"

[2:30 PM] Deeva: "Do you know the people on the internet who are drawing fanart of me right now? If you kill me, what will happen to them?"

[2:31 PM] Derpy: "More porn of meeeee!?~"

[2:31 PM] Deeva: "Fool, no!"
"They will still draw me, but not watch the property anymore!
"We are at deadlock!"
"I-I can end reality!"

[2:32 PM] Tinador: "What a move...!" Tina announces to no one in particular.

[2:32 PM] Deeva: Deeva begins to remove her clothes.

[2:33 PM] Smoky: Turns out, Smoky somehow learned how to get arms. Instead of regular ones, they are made out of lava, but hey. They still look like dragon arms...kinda.

[2:33 PM] Smoky: "Hello! What did I miss?"

[2:33 PM] Tinador: "Stand back, sir Smoky! An honorable duel is taking place right before your very eyes!"

[2:33 PM] Derpy: "Woooaaaahhh! We can't show that!"

[2:33 PM] Deeva: "I WILL END REALITY!"

[2:34 PM] Smoky: "Okay!" Smoky waves at Tinador with his newfound arms. "What's a duel again?"

[2:34 PM] Derpy: "Director, get her off set!"

[2:34 PM] Deeva: "EVERYONE STOP!"

[2:34 PM] Tinador: "They're fighting for his hand," she points to now-Mr. Normal Korpse.

[2:34 PM] Deeva: "ANYBODY COMES CLOSER, I'LL DO IT!"
"I'M HOLDING THE WHOLE SHOW HOSTAGE!"

[2:35 PM] Smoky: "...Wow, this is stupid!"

[2:35 PM] Tinador: Tina inhales sharply and bites her lip. "Will you really?"

[2:35 PM] Bokkun: !roll 1d20
18
Derpy convinces a few of the executives. A couple of unlucky interns are sent out onto the set to give Deeva the bad news. !roll 1d20
12
At Deeva's threats, they realize that they aren't even being paid in anything other than experience, and that experience doesn't mean much if they die here. They hightail it out of there.

[2:36 PM] Deeva: "Mr. Normal comes with me."
"I can be the villain of this story. I'll do it."

[2:37 PM] Smoky: Smoky starts plobbing over to the corpse or whatever the two are fighting over.
...and pokes it with his lava arms. He is simply curious.

[2:37 PM] Bokkun: !roll 1d20+4
and 1d20 for Deeva's charisma
2 and 19 respectively.
Smoky goes to poke Mr. Normal, but the intense heat alerts the Ultimate who gives a s***, and he jumps back.
At Deeva's charisma, Mr. Normal can't help but fall for her bad girl charms. He might be a Chiaki man, but Deeva's the hot one here. Everyone knows it.

[2:39 PM] Smoky: Smoky doesn't take no for an answer.
He charges for a hug.

[2:40 PM] Tinador: "Enough, Deeva. Derpy, if you would be so kind to lend me a hand?"

[2:40 PM] Smoky: Fuck what it might mean for the situation, who is going to stop him?

[2:40 PM] Tinador: Tina takes in a huge, huge, breath... and exhales fire onto Deeva.

[2:41 PM] Deeva: (wait wasn't the volcano cleared as a swimming location, why would fire do damage)

[2:41 PM] Derpy: As does Derpy, of course.

[2:41 PM] Tinador: I can burn your clothes at least
maybe your shades

[2:41 PM] Deeva: oh fuck
forced lewdness
ok now you've gone too far

[2:43 PM] Bokkun: 13, 18
Smoky jumps at Mr. Normal, and gives him a great big dragon hug. With Smoky's intense powers, Mr. Normal is subjected to baldness and nudity from mere proximity. Cartoon nudity mind you where no bits are shown, but the implication is there, and young children will now become scalies 6 years from now because of this.
Deeva takes a great big fire blast, and... well they're both dragons, so realistically nothing would really happen. I guess her shirt would burn, but most of you aren't wearing clothes anyways so it's still not a big thing, but it definitely isn't going to help those poor children.

[2:43 PM] Tinador: Tina snorts, satisfied that Deeva's shirt is now on fire.

[2:43 PM] Deeva: "NO!!! MY FIT!!!"

[2:43 PM] Smoky: Smoky lets go and pats Mr. Normal on the back. "Tada! Now you're like...hotter or something."

[2:44 PM] Deeva: Deeva screams in a fit of poignant pain.
She falls to her knees in agony.

[2:44 PM] Bokkun: Everyone takes 2 mental damage from Smoky's pun.

[2:44 PM] Smoky: Smoky finger guns at the others to add insult to injury.
Why has anyone allow him to get arms.

[2:45 PM] Tinador: "Good work, all."

Epilogue

[2:45 PM] Bokkun: Click.

"Alright, it's official. Derpy Dragon Go is the worst reboot ever."

Gareth gets up, and walks to his bedroom. He pulls a certain outfit out of his closet, and takes his first-aid kit off of his nightstand.

"It's back my rear. Derpy Dragon like you've never seen it before, what, abysmal? Might as well have dug up the creator's grave while they were at it..."

He pulls a scalpel out of the kit, and clutches it in his hand. That show was passionless dreck written by idiots. By the night's end, he'd show those schmucks just how passionate people could be about a dragon with bad eyesight.